Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
