No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
