I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she looked like the before picture.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
