So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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