my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wanna passion pit in your ass
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
