Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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