i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
