I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
