WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
