this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
