She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
