Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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