I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
