it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
