I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
