I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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