The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize