i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
