rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
