if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
