The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
