and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
