you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
handjob tips. give me some.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
