Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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