I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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