My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
