I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize