do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
