if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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