so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
