btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
