I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize