So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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