He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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