bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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