It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
