im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
