I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
