I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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