so that wasnt chicken after all
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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