honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
