Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
