2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
