Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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