I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
