i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
