Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
