My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
