In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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