Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
