omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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