I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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