I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
