so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
