I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
