she woke up with a sticky ear
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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