I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
