Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
