the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
