well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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