Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
