i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize