I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
