He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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