Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
