My first STD was from a foam party
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
tell me about the fingering
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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