Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
