saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
