And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize