is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
