Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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