YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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