i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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