am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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