There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
